We Have Renter's Insurance

... which is a good thing.  Tonight, someone whose name rhymes with "cat", let a ripe one rip.  The stench was so offensive, I yelled for him to run and get the matches, which he did.  In the whirlwind of stink and hurry, a lit match came flying onto me and then onto the chair.  A childish scream was released (by "cat").  The flame was swiftly and expertly extinguished.  The flamer lives on.